Disproportionate expectations

Last night I posted on Twitter that 127 miles was looking doable and what next. Or at least that's what I thought I'd posted, but my sister seemed to read it entirely differently. Her reply seemed to intimate that I was somehow boasting, that somehow riding 127 miles across 3/4 days was all I should be satisfied with and I was somehow wrong for looking to do anything more.

It's brought me up short. She knows I'm a big lass. Admittedly she's not seen me for 2 years or so because the promised visits from her and my mother never seem to transpire, but she must know I'm no sylph, haven't been since my early 20's. She also knows I was never into exercise either. But she also doesn't read the blogs or forums that I do and doesn't know that most of the mountain bikers I now know/know of could ride 127 miles in 2 days without breaking sweat and some of them could ride it in 1 quite quite easily.

So the question becomes - who am I comparing myself to here? And does it matter?

I am forgetting that there are people who ride a few miles each week and don't need to do any more. There are people who go to the gym once a week and it keeps the weight off. I am never going to be that kind of person. I need a challenge, I need adrenaline, I need to compete with myself and I need to motivate myself. I also need to do a world more hours of exercise per week to simply stay the same weight. I don't mind that, don't even notice it most of the time because biking doesn't feel like exercise, but it annoys me a little that sometimes people seem to think that talking about what I do and intend to do is somehow bragging.

It's going to hurt. Lets make no bones about that. I don't care. I don't care because it's worth it to me - because I have made my profit and loss statement and the profit far outweighs the loss. I want to do more because I want to become fitter, because I want to lose weight, because I want to have a goal and something to aim for.

There could even be the argument that perhaps somewhere deep down I believe that the faster I ride the slower the bad things happening to my body will catch up with me. It certainly can't do any harm at this stage.

I have always been a determined and driven person intellectually. I have always wanted to know everything about everything. I still ask questions at the rate of a 8 year old, if I am allowed to, but mostly I direct the questioning at the safety of books. That attitude is simply transferring to physicalities. I am not changing, nothing is changing, I'm simply approaching biking with the same attitude I've approached most things in life, at 100mph.

Believe me, please believe me when I say, there is no arrogance here, no complacency, no taking things for granted, no bragging and no boasting. Anyone, and I truly mean absolutely anyone with the physical ability to pedal could do what I'm currently doing and planning to do. The only difference is choice. But I appreciate every second I have of the luxury of spinning my pedals, of feeling my muscles work in beautiful harmony, of the point where my breathing settles into its rythmn and there is the suspicion that the rythmn could be maintained for very many hours. It's a wonderful place to be, everything shifting focus into a tunnel visioned view of the world where this is no behind, only in front and the curiosity to see how fast I can cover it.

In the grand scheme of the mountain biking world, I am nothing. A little drop in a massive ocean of better, faster, more focused, more determined, thinner, fitter and stronger people. I wont ever forget that.